What principles define how you live?
Sometimes the world keeps throwing the same concepts at us until we pick them up and give them the weight and examination they deserve. For me, that has been my values lately.
This summer I had a good friend visiting from the US and during the end of their visit, we took my family on a camping trip. This friend is a psychologist, and knowing their passion, intelligence, and fierce commitment to understanding human behavior I have no doubt they are great at their job. But perhaps more relevant, I first met this person working together at a Girl Scout summer camp in Northern California. If you’ve been to a Girl Scout camp, you’ll probably remember one of the activities that kicks off each session is the creation of the unit agreement — a set of (usually 6) guidelines that the campers come up with, define, and discuss that will guide how they live together over the next week or so. Setting these rules together was a key aspect of the “girl led experience” and was also how I learned to interact with my fellow counselors. When your first interaction with a group of people involves discussing what’s important to your living situation and how you want to be treated, that sticks with all future interactions. So, in a camping situation, when this friend reminded me that I should probably be checking in with my kids regarding their values, even at age 8 and 11, it came as a sharp reminder: children are humans that can have values and principles, and it’s important to help them learn how to articulate their values and set their principles continually and with intention.
Then today I got this writing prompt that reminds me that my values should be applied throughout my life — family, friends, work, and writing. And though the values may be the same, their implementation may look different in each sphere. I also realized I wasn’t a hundred percent sure I knew the difference between values and principles. Being a writer, I enjoy knowing the full context of words and how people might understand them. I did a quick search on the difference between principles and values and I had to laugh. In the first few hits I had two major conflicting definitions. Both perspectives said values were internal and principles external, but there the similarities ended.
Values vs. Principles
- Values: In both systems, values were internal beliefs/opinions that people hold regarding specific issues or ideas. They are subjective and malleable.
- Principles as external truths. To me, this sounds like an extension of scientific principles: things that are always observably true. In this model, principles are universal truths based on natural laws and will always remain consistent. When it comes to human behavior, a principle may be that if you lie to a person and they discover that lie, they will not trust you. This is true across cultures. The value may be to not lie. Or the value may be to lie and not be discovered, depending on who you are and your perspective. But the concept of trust tied to truth and honesty is undeniably there either way.
- Principles as external expressions. Ironically, this is almost the exact opposite of the first definition of principles. Though it is still external, instead of being the thing that drives values, it is the thing that is driven by values. So your value might be honesty, and your principles are the ways you implement that honesty: is honesty achieved by telling the truth when asked? Do lies of omission erode your honesty or not? This definition gets at interpersonal conflict when people think their values align, but the implementation of those values are varied.
So which is right? I’m not sure. That’s one of the beautiful things about language. When I’m talking about principles, I need to define if I’m talking about universal truths or regular expressions of behavior.
My Personal Values
Now I’m 42, and I just realized something: it has been years since I’ve done an honest inventory of my values. In my twenties I was very value driven — I was learning who I was and I was working in environments that supported deep self-exploration. So if you asked me what my values were I could pop them off. But at this point I’ve been in survival mode for so long that I haven’t given deep thought to how my values may have changed since I became a wife and mother. I am not sure how I am expressing my values, and I’m not sure what “universal truths” are guiding my values. I suppose I have to look deeper into that. I think I may go through this over the weekend.
The more I think about it, my twenties were driven by the externally defined bohemian values — thanks to an early exposure to Moulin Rouge defining the “artist’s” values. Beauty, Freedom, Truth, Love. Those were the things I was seeking to understand and bring to my life. And though I had a lot of passion about discovering their meanings, I am not 100% sure they were ever “my” values. I am excited to spend some time over the next few weeks better understanding my values.
My Values In Writing
Narrowing down my values in writing has been particularly difficult, because there are the values of how I approach the process, the values of the content I share, and the values of how I work with others in the industry (from readers to editors to publishers to other writers). There’s also the issue of: what I’ve done in the past, what I’m focusing now, and who I want to be in the future. Those things don’t always line up. (For example, I want to bring gratitude and optimism into the forefront of my values… if you have read any of my past work, you would not get hints of gratitude and optimism. This is something new for me).
As a note, when I did this exercise for each of my “guiding values” I had a lot of sub-values that define them. I worked really hard to cut them down to the top five in each category — the ones I really want to work on now. But of course there are more, especially in the area of insight — I think if I weighted them, insight (and sharing that insight) is the top value of why I write. It guides all of my work. That aside, this is what I came up with as my guiding values:
| Integrity | Endurance | Authenticity | Impact | Creativity | Validation | Insight |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Honesty | Discipline | Individuality | Effectiveness | Imagination | Credibility | Reflection |
| Transparency | Persistence | Passion | Empowerment | Innovation | Significance | Exploration |
| Sensitivity | Bravery | Awareness | Contribution | Originality | Wealth | Beauty |
| Humility | Productivity | Sincerity | Meaning | Boldness | Simplicity | |
| Care | Growth | Enthusiasm | Connection | Risk | Gratitude |
- Integrity: This is what I’ve always thought of when I thought of values. Not “what means most in my life” but how do I live my life with integrity. So for me, these are the most deeply ingrained values that overlap in my life and writing. Care is perhaps the one I want to work on right now. I want to be more intentional and careful in what I do (and write). I want to weigh the possibilities before acting. I tend to be a very reactive person, and I want to control that. (Yes, I need to get off twitter).
- Endurance: You can’t be a writer without… writing (and, in my mind, sharing that writing). Sometimes the business of writing can be exhausting. Working full time and having two kids, it’s easier to doomscroll than work on a scene. After ten years of rejections (hundreds, maybe thousands), it’s easy to give up and stop submitting. But even with the changing industry and the difficulties for writers, I want to be one. And so I will endure. I will keep writing. And I will keep publishing. But that requires discipline and growth — or else you become stagnant in your chair, wheels spinning but nothing meaningful coming out.
- Authenticity: I always want to be me in what I write. It’s tempting to switch streams to more lucrative projects (or maybe the grass is greener…) but in the end, I want to write what I am passion about. I want to be able to write with emotion and sincerity and, above all, I want to be excited every time I sit down to write, or to share a piece.
- Impact: For me, writing is not about journaling for myself. I do it to communicate with others, and I want to have an impact. I realize I don’t control how others respond to my writing, so the biggest aspect of impact for me is to continue contributing — with the intention of impact. I want to write things that have meaning. That empower others like me. Perhaps above all — that create a sense of connection or belonging.
- Creativity: I want to take risks in my writing. I want to try new things and do it without fear. I want to be bold and original. This is closely tied to authenticity for me, but also to growth.
- Validation: It was hard to add this as a value, because these are more or less outside factors that I cannot control. I can’t control whether stories sell or books make money. But I can take steps to create credibility for my name by consistently putting out high-quality work that has been crafted with integrity. I can work towards creating significance by focusing on my creativity and insight. I can work towards “wealth” (okay, not wealth but a bit of income) by fearlessly submitting my work.
- Insight: As I said above, this is the meat and potatoes of why I write. I want to understand the world. I want to explore concepts and situations. Beauty is on there because I want to find the beauty in everything — even the difficult or weird or painful. Simplicity… well, I’ll always be driven by that Hemingway quote: “it is all very well for you to write simply and the simpler the better. But do not start to think so damned simply. Know how complicated it is and then state it simply.” Then there is gratitude, which is something new I want to bring into my writing. I want to leave behind my pessimism and start to lift gratitude into my stories. We’ll see how that goes!
I think defining my values was a long enough journey for this post. I won’t actually get into the principles — either the ones that drive these values or the ones that will be driven by these values. Hopefully those will develop along with the values in the next few months.
